Give the Smoker a Break

The Daily Spirit 

October 8, 2007

by Amanda Smith

Spirit City’s super-powered protector, the Smoker, has come under fire recently–no pun intended. Since his first appearance thirty years ago, people have always had problems with the Smoker. They claim that he promotes under-age smoking, violent tendencies among the young, and is responsible for countless collateral casualties during the execution of his superhero duties.

The latest outcry against the Smoker comes from religious groups, who say that the Smoker is an abomination–an affront to God and all his glory. This is not the first time religious factions have attacked the Smoker. After he failed to save a pastor from a burning church in 1978, many religious community leaders mounted a public campaign to banish the Smoker from Spirit City, saying that he intentionally failed to save the pastor. The campaign went nowhere, of course, as it was squashed by lawyers from the Spirit Sticks Cigarette Corp. who used their vast resources to discredit many in the religious community. Among the items used against the anit-Smokers, as they called themselves, were allegations (never substantiated) of improper behavior with little children, stealing from the donation box, and attending church and church functions while intoxicated. 

It was not known at the time why Spirit Sticks took it upon themselves to represent the Smoker during the campaign, but now the reason is clear. The Smoker, it is now well known, is none other than Todd Frost, the billionaire owner of Spirit Sticks and their subsidiaries. Frost made his identity public almost ten years ago, but failed to really give a reason, saying only that it was time people knew who he was. 

After today’s earlier incident with the Surgeon General, prominent religious leaders in the city issued this statement:

“Today’s loss of life is unforgivable, and the destruction done to our fair city is intolerable. It is time for the good people of this city to stand up and show this abomination that he is not a God and that we will not tolerate him. For years, we have suffered in silence while this false god, this idol of something greater, has been among us, saving people, and helping those in need. If he did this without violence or fanfare, we would not feel the need to depose him. But, Mr. Frost is not quiet about his exploits. He poisons children’s minds with his actions, and he poisons their bodies with his cancer sticks. Today’s incident is just the latest example of the danger this man poses. And he is a man, albeit a powerful one, but he is only a man. There is only one God, and he is not named Todd Frost.”

“To those of you,” the statement continues, “who support this monstrosity we have one thing to say. Repent now and renounce the Smoker. Bring God back into your hearts, and help us drive this fiery haired devil out of our city and back into the abyss. Anyone interested in joining our cause should come to the open church at Mayberry Chapel on south Rail street.”

Are these people crazy or what? I know that two people were killed in the Smoker’s fight with the Surgeon General earlier today, and it is true that there was massive property damage, but that is no reason to turn against this great man who has been there for the city every day for the past thirty years. It is a simple fact that when super people fight things get broken and innocents get hurt. It isn’t the Smoker’s fault, though. In fact, he does more good than he could ever do harm.

Just think about it: if the Smoker was not here, how much death and damage would there be? Who would stop Captain Cadaver from pillaging the city? The National Guard has already demonstrated its inability to stop the super-powered threats that face Spirit City each and every day. And as far as the Smoker having a God complex, not once in all my years of covering him have I heard him say anything that leads me to beleive he thinks of himself as a God.

But what about all those posters, and the television spots? Don’t those prove that he represents himself as a god? It’s true that the Smoker does have a high visibility in the media, but no more than say the President, or Snoop Dogg–does that mean they consider themselves Gods (they might, but nobody is mounting campaigns against them claiming they are false deities)?

No, it is easy to see this new campaign against the Smoker as fear manifest. Religious folks, the leaders especially, feel threatened by the Smoker. They are threatened by this man–and he is a man, no matter how extraordinary he is–because he challenges their foundational beliefs. This man can fly, lift buildings, and move at near the speed of sound. The Smoker is the next step in human evolution, and this threatens those who refuse to acknowledge that humans most likely evolved from lower animals like apes.

So do me a favor, and do not go to the meeting that these people are hosting. Show your support for the Smoker, and show him that we still need him here in Spirit City, and not only that but that we appreciate his presence here and are willing to support him.