Tobacco tales has moved

This blog has moved to www.smokerstories.theunrulyone.com So if you are interested in the further adventures of the smoker in Spirit City head on over there and keep up to date.

Also check out www.theunrulyone.com for my other, more serious, blog 

Smoker makes appearance at Parade

The Daily Spirit 

October 13

Wally Rogers 

During the Annual Firefighter Appreciation Parade, the Smoker made a surprise guest appearance. The parade started at 8:30 am at Roost and 5th, and ended at 12:30 near Roost and 25th, in front of the newest firehouse in Spirit City. Somewhere neat Roost and 13th, a hunch-backed man dressed in a black suit with a white tie limped past the ticker tape, and approached one of the many floats cascading down the street. Police and security saw the man and tried to detain him, but before they could reach him, he produced a cigarette and lit up, instantly turning into this city’s beloved protector: The Smoker.

The parade slowed to a crawl when its participants saw who was on hand. Cheers of approval came from the thousands gathered along the sides of the street, and hundreds of firfighters removed their helmets and held them up, shouting for joy. It was quite a sight to behold, especially given the fact that the Smoker is not prone to public appearances just for the sake of public appearances.

It was good to see him there though. It is nice to know that no matter how the city is treating him (right now they are trying to conduct an investigation into Todd Frost’s–his alter ego–business practices) he still cares about the people and wants them to know that they have his support.

When the cheering subsided, he made a short speech.

“People of Spirit City,” he began, “we are here today to honor some of the finest and bravest men and women in the city. It warms my heart to see all of you here in a show of support for some of the true heroes of this city. You have their thanks, I’m sure, and my gratitude. I don’t want to take up much more of your time, but I wanted to tell these fine folks that they are doing a great job and to keep up the good work. Thank you, and let’s hear it for these brave firefighters!” There was more cheering, and then the Smoker flew off to somewhere else in the city, the sound of frantic cheering heralding his departure.

The parade consisted of nearly thirty floats, a marching band, fifteen fire engines, and a showcasing of the best Dalmatians from all of the firehouses in the city. Despite all of that, the one thing that got people the most excited was the Smoker’s appearance, which just goes to show that no matter what people say, Spirit City loves the Smoker.

I too, love the Smoker and am glad that he is here in our fair city to protect us. But, I wish that he had stayed around a little longer at the fair. He is difficult to contact for interviews, and this was the perfect opportunity to ask him some questions. But, he would have nothing to do with that, and flew off before any member of the press could get a chance to talk to him. I guess that is good, though, since it makes his actions seem a little more sincere and not just a way to grab the headlines, which of course he did anyway.

The Health Brigade: New Heroes in Town

Daily Spirit

October 10, 2007

Steven Glass

Watch out Smoker, there’s a new team in town, and they don’t get their powers from harmful chemicals. In fact, they are so concerned with being health that they have named themselves The Health Brigade.

As of this moment the Brigade consists of four members: Captain Health (the leader) Fiber Fran, Spinach Stu, and Green Mallory. Their mission: to clean up Spirit City.

I do not know how the rest of Spirit City’s denizens will view this new super team, they just announced their existence today, and did not reveal their true identities nor their powers, but I for one, welcome them. I am sick of The Smoker. I am tired of seeing his flaming red hair, and his smug face everywhere I look. I know that he has done a lot of good for this city, but he hurts us everyday as well.

There is no denying it: The Smoker promotes smoking, especially in the city’s youth. What else would you expect? Kids are impressionable, and they have a history of wanting to be like their heroes. The Smoker is the biggest hero in Spirit City, so it is no wonder that children feel they need to take up smoking to be more like him. I know this sounds ridiculous (aside from the Smoker there has been no documented case of cigarettes bestowing power upon people) but they are children and they do ridiculous things all of the time.

And I don’t buy his anti-smoking campaign. If anything, those posters and tv spots where he tells kids to wait until they are 18 to start smoking are a great public relations ploy. First, they get him off the hook for smoking because he can say that he in fact discourages kids from smoking, and has spent millions of dollars on the poster and television campaign to this effect. Second, they get his face out there. Anyone who lives, in Spirit City, whether they just arrived here or have been living here for years, knows who the Smoker is, and they know that he is a “great hero.”

Never mind the fact that his posters exude patriotism and friendliness. He is that happy stranger, the actor on television whom you know of, but don’t really know. He has a friendly face, fights evil, and often speaks at elementary and high school functions. This is important because his status among the youth is on the rise, and, not coincidentally, so is the rate of teen smokers. Five years ago, when the Smoker started his poster campaign, the number of teens who smoked in Spirit was about 12,000. In the latest study released by the Lung Cancer Association last month the number of teens who smoke is now close to twenty thousand. That is a drastic increase (close to 66%), and it has to be due to the Smoker’s increased visibility. There is no denying the data: Despite his best efforts to condemn it, the Smoker has actually increased underage smoking.

So I welcome the Health Brigade, and I can’t wait to see them in action. I attempted to reach the offices of Todd Frost (the Smoker), but as of this writing they have not returned my phone calls. Captain Health, on the other hand, was more than willing to have a little chat with me.

SG: Thank you for taking the time to talk to me. What inspired you to form this team?

CH: I look around this city every day, and every day I see it slipping further away from its former glory. The crime rate is on the rise, and our local police and government seem incapable of stopping it. They have come to rely on the Smoker for everything, and I have a problem with that?

SG: It’s no secret that I am not a fan of the Smoker, so I have my own opinions and judgements about him and what he does, but what does the Smoker mean to you? That is, how does the Health Brigade plan to operate in this city when it already has a high profile champion?

CH: We’re just going to go out there and help people, but not only on the crime fighting front. Crime stems from misanthropy and poor living conditions. Diet, income, education–all of these play an important role in why someone commits a crime. It is our hope and mission that we can educate people, and show them that there is an alternative to crime. That’s the main problem with the Smoker: he fights the symptoms but not the cause.

SG: What do you mean by that?

CH: When a bad guy shows up, or there is a robbery in progress, or a woman is being attacked in an alley, what does the Smoker do? He swoops in and stops the crime. He beats up the villain, he breaks the robber’s car, he assaults the would-be rapist, but that does nothing to stop crime as a whole. Don’t get me wrong, I appreciate what he has done for this city. I, like almost resident of Spirit City, know several people who were rescued by the Smoker, but there has to be a better way.

SG: And the Health Brigade has that better way?

CH: Well, not exactly. I do not want to give the impression that we know what it best for this city, and that it is either our way or now way at all. That is fascism, and we are not fascists. However, we do have progressive ideas that, when implemented, should help to stem the overall crime rate in Spirit City, thereby stopping most crimes before they are even considered. We intend to offer our services to the poorer neighborhood first, and we hope not only to offer them protection, but other essential things like food and clothes. One of Green Mallory’s abilities is to create organic materials out of nowhere. This should help us to provide essential materials to those in need. We have other plans, too.

SG: What are they?

CH: Nothing is set in stone yet, we’ve only been training and planning for a few months, but we hope to start a public campaign similar to the Smoker’s. Only ours will focus on the importance of education and eating right. We are here to help the citizens of Spirit City in all possible ways. It will be tricky at first, but if people give us a chance, I know we can be successful.

SG: Thank you for your time, and I want you to know that you have at least one supporter in me.

CH: Thank you.

The Health Brigade sounds promising, and I truly hope that they can make a difference in our city. If they are successful, we may no longer need the Smoker, and that would be just fine with me.

Letters and Opinions (1)

The Daily Spirit

October 9, 2007

Dear editors, I hope you publish my letter. The things I have to say are important to me and I think that they should be important to other people too. My name is Aaron Walker, and I am twelve years old. My uncle Michael smoked Spirit Sticks and he died last year of lung cancer. My mom smokes Spirit Sticks too, and I am afraid that she is going to die like my uncle. Can you talk to the Smoker for me and get him to save my mom. I know if anyone can help her it is him. Thank you,

Aaron Walker

Editors respond:

Aaron, we here at the Daily Spirit are truly saddened by your story, and we offer our sincerest condolences to you and your mother. Also, we want to say that we are sorry that your mom smokes cigarettes, but we are afraid that we cannot honor your request and talk to the Smoker about this. He is a busy man and does not have time to worry about each individual person. He has larger concerns on his mind; you should respect that, Aaron, and take solace in the fact that even if the Smoker had time to help, there is nothing he can do. Sorry kiddo.

Dear Daily Spirit

I have a bone to pick with your publication. A few weeks ago you published a story about a woman named Marion Hartford. She claimed that she had been impregnated by the Smoker and had given birth to his babies. The article implied that when Marion confronted Mr. Frost with this news he told her that he was very sorry that he could not be there for her and the children, but that he would compensate her nicely. What a load of hooey! I know what really happened, thanks to a close friend who happens to work with the Smoker’s entourage. The Smoker did not act in a polite and dignified manner. Not at all. In fact, according to my sources he lit up a cigarette, blew smoke in her face and then flew off without a word. I would like you to admit that you lied on behalf of Todd Frost and his alter-ego, and I would also like you to tell the truth of the matter. If my resquests are not met, you will be hearing from me again.

Concerned Citizen

 Editors Respond:

Well, Concerned, you are entitled to your beliefs, and it is your right not to trust our reporting, but that does not make you right. We have sources that were there at the scene (Editor in Chief Wally Rogers was among them) so we know our version of events is the correct one. Again, you are entitled to your opinions–we still have free speech after all–but please do not issue vague threats, especially when you do not even having the decency of putting your real name on the letter, it just makes you look like a fool and invalidates whatever you were saying.

Hey Daily Spirit, can you give me the Smoker’s private phone number? He is so HOT, I just want to wrap myself around him. Come on, hook a gal up. And don’t pretend like you’re not going to publish anymore of my letters. You know you will. I am a mainstay of the letter column you know.

Jamie P. Smoker lover

Editors respond: 

Thanks for the letter Jamie, we always appreciate hearing from you. For the millionth, and hopefully the last, time we cannot give you the Smoker’s private line. If you wish to speak to Mr. Frost you must call his office. That phone number can be found in any phone book in town, and don’t be so sure about us continuing to publish your letters, changes are coming, and we are intrigued by the idea of a letter column without Jamie P.

That’s all for now folks, keep those letters coming. 

Give the Smoker a Break

The Daily Spirit 

October 8, 2007

by Amanda Smith

Spirit City’s super-powered protector, the Smoker, has come under fire recently–no pun intended. Since his first appearance thirty years ago, people have always had problems with the Smoker. They claim that he promotes under-age smoking, violent tendencies among the young, and is responsible for countless collateral casualties during the execution of his superhero duties.

The latest outcry against the Smoker comes from religious groups, who say that the Smoker is an abomination–an affront to God and all his glory. This is not the first time religious factions have attacked the Smoker. After he failed to save a pastor from a burning church in 1978, many religious community leaders mounted a public campaign to banish the Smoker from Spirit City, saying that he intentionally failed to save the pastor. The campaign went nowhere, of course, as it was squashed by lawyers from the Spirit Sticks Cigarette Corp. who used their vast resources to discredit many in the religious community. Among the items used against the anit-Smokers, as they called themselves, were allegations (never substantiated) of improper behavior with little children, stealing from the donation box, and attending church and church functions while intoxicated. 

It was not known at the time why Spirit Sticks took it upon themselves to represent the Smoker during the campaign, but now the reason is clear. The Smoker, it is now well known, is none other than Todd Frost, the billionaire owner of Spirit Sticks and their subsidiaries. Frost made his identity public almost ten years ago, but failed to really give a reason, saying only that it was time people knew who he was. 

After today’s earlier incident with the Surgeon General, prominent religious leaders in the city issued this statement:

“Today’s loss of life is unforgivable, and the destruction done to our fair city is intolerable. It is time for the good people of this city to stand up and show this abomination that he is not a God and that we will not tolerate him. For years, we have suffered in silence while this false god, this idol of something greater, has been among us, saving people, and helping those in need. If he did this without violence or fanfare, we would not feel the need to depose him. But, Mr. Frost is not quiet about his exploits. He poisons children’s minds with his actions, and he poisons their bodies with his cancer sticks. Today’s incident is just the latest example of the danger this man poses. And he is a man, albeit a powerful one, but he is only a man. There is only one God, and he is not named Todd Frost.”

“To those of you,” the statement continues, “who support this monstrosity we have one thing to say. Repent now and renounce the Smoker. Bring God back into your hearts, and help us drive this fiery haired devil out of our city and back into the abyss. Anyone interested in joining our cause should come to the open church at Mayberry Chapel on south Rail street.”

Are these people crazy or what? I know that two people were killed in the Smoker’s fight with the Surgeon General earlier today, and it is true that there was massive property damage, but that is no reason to turn against this great man who has been there for the city every day for the past thirty years. It is a simple fact that when super people fight things get broken and innocents get hurt. It isn’t the Smoker’s fault, though. In fact, he does more good than he could ever do harm.

Just think about it: if the Smoker was not here, how much death and damage would there be? Who would stop Captain Cadaver from pillaging the city? The National Guard has already demonstrated its inability to stop the super-powered threats that face Spirit City each and every day. And as far as the Smoker having a God complex, not once in all my years of covering him have I heard him say anything that leads me to beleive he thinks of himself as a God.

But what about all those posters, and the television spots? Don’t those prove that he represents himself as a god? It’s true that the Smoker does have a high visibility in the media, but no more than say the President, or Snoop Dogg–does that mean they consider themselves Gods (they might, but nobody is mounting campaigns against them claiming they are false deities)?

No, it is easy to see this new campaign against the Smoker as fear manifest. Religious folks, the leaders especially, feel threatened by the Smoker. They are threatened by this man–and he is a man, no matter how extraordinary he is–because he challenges their foundational beliefs. This man can fly, lift buildings, and move at near the speed of sound. The Smoker is the next step in human evolution, and this threatens those who refuse to acknowledge that humans most likely evolved from lower animals like apes.

So do me a favor, and do not go to the meeting that these people are hosting. Show your support for the Smoker, and show him that we still need him here in Spirit City, and not only that but that we appreciate his presence here and are willing to support him.

Smoker Defeats Surgeon General

The Daily Spirit

by Wally Rogers October 8^th, 2007 

Spirit City’s nicotine fueled protector has thwarted the sinister Surgeon General once again. According to early reports, and eyewitness accounts, the fight started Downtown, near Kinky Rose Records, and ended at the harbor. “It was crazy, man,” said twenty three year old Cameron Rhodes. “I was just standing over there,” he points to the crosswalk in front of KRR, at the corner of Geary and Warner. “Then I heard this guy shouting for the Smoker. I turned and saw that flying guy in the doctor coat. The there was this flash of light and a loud explosion.”

Rhodes threw himself on the ground and covered his head, waiting for it to end. Looking at the intersection, the damage caused by the battle is clear. The front of KRR is smashed in, and chunks of asphalt lie scattered through the streets. The street is wet, marking the lingering evidence of broken fire hydrants. The path of destruction continues down Geary Street and further into the city.  

Another witness, who wished to remain anonymous, described the fight: “The Surgeon General came shouting for the Smoker. You know, he called him all kinds of names. Murderer, death-profiteer. You know, the usual.” That was when the Smoker showed up. The witness described him as dressed in a white t-shirt, brown pants and shoes, a gold belt, and flaming red hair. And of course, he was smoking a cigarette. The Smoker did not say anything, “He just swooped right in and smacked the Surgeon guy,” and that was all it took.

The fight was on with the Surgeon General continuing his litany of condemnation of the Smoker, who “just took another drag and smacked the Surgeon again.” Then the two of them slammed into the ground, cracking asphalt, crushing cars, and shattering windows. More words were said, and then they both flew up into the air, fighting all the way to the harbor. It is unclear as to why the Surgeon General attacked the Smoker, though the two do have a history.

The Surgeon General, whose real name is Leonard Freeman, blames the Smoker, multi-billionaire Todd Frost, for the death of his daughter. Frost is the founder and CEO of Spirit Sticks Cigarette Corporations, and Freeman (who is not a doctor) accuses Frost of killing his child because she smoked Spirit Sticks. Frost, of course, has denied any wrongdoing, citing his massive marketing campaign against underage smoking. 

The ads Frost refers to are dubious at best. They do discourage under-age smoking, but they still encourage smoking. One of the posters shows the Smoker, standing in all his glory, the sun shining at his back. His right hand rests on his hip, and his left hand holds a cigarette to his lips. It is an elegant picture of him, and one cannot help but feel a sense of pride and power. At the bottom of the poster reads the caption: “Smoking may make you feel powerful, but it won’t give you super powers. Don’t smoke until you are old enough.” 

Still, the ads are enough to help Frost’s public perception, and thus far Spirit Stick Cigarettes has no been forced to compensate any families for deaths of loved ones who smoked Spirit Sticks.

Of course, his public image is strong mostly due to his being the protector of the city. After all it is hard, even for his staunchest detractors, to condemn a man for taking lives when he saves so many more in a day than he supposedly kills in a year. 

It should be noted that Frost, in the guise of the Smoker, has also called for his super-powered foes not to attack him in the borders of Spirit City. His official request, which was printed in this fine publication, said, “I will fight any and all villains who wish to battle me. I just ask that, for the sake of the citizens of Spirit City, we take the fighting outside of the city.” A noble gesture, to be sure, but one that is all too often ignored by those with a grudge against the Smoker, which always results in scenes similar to today’s destruction. 

Today’s path of destruction led to the harbor, where in the final heat of battle, the Smoker threw the Surgeon General through a schooner and into the water. When the Surgeon failed to rise from the bay, Frost hovered over the water, and making sure not to get his cigarette wet, reached into the water and pulled Freeman’s unconscious body out of the water, resting it on the docks before flying away. 

 The police arrived shortly thereafter, arrested the Surgeon General, and are currently holding him at Pentsworth Maximum Security Prison where he awaits trial for the murder of three tobacco executives two months ago. 

What Tobacco Tales is all about

So the idea for this blog is inspired by another idea that I had. See, I want to create a comic book. It doesn’t have to be anything fancy, or long for that matter, but I really want to do something with words and graphics. The problem, though, is that I cannot draw to save my life. Even my stick figures look like random splotches of ink and lead. That doesn’t mean that I don’t have ideas though.

One of those ideas was for a superhero who gets his powers from smoking cigarettes. Never mind how cigarettes power him, just know that they do. The reason behind the thing does not matter so much–this isn’t high literature here; it’s a fun little exercise that gets its own blog because the content on this page will be almost exclusively filled with items related to the Smoker and his world.

The Smoker is the name of the character, his alter-ego is Todd Frost, a filthy rich business man who owns, of course, the Spirit Stick Cigarette Corporation. Frost must smoke to transform into the Smoker-kinda like Captain Marvel’s Shazam!–and he must keep smoking to remain the Smoker. When he is not smoking, Frost is a withered old man who reeks of tobacco, and has more wrinkles than a prune.

 I will use this blog to brainstorm on the Smoker and his world. Through Tobacco Tales I will play with the idea I had for the comic book in a strictly prose format (at least at first) and flesh out the character and his world so when I find an artist to draw this thing, we will have a better, and fuller grasp on the concept.

Speaking of artists, anyone inspired to create some Smoker related artwork is more than welcome to. Come up with concept art of what you think these people and scenes look like. Share them with me, if you want, but just know that the Smoker and all related characters are MINE. So don’t go trying to get famous off my idea, but if you are interested in drawing sequential art, leave me a comment below and maybe we can figure out a way to collaborate on a project, whether or not it is the Smoker.

 Thank you for reading this page, and I hope that you will at least get a chuckle from the writings posted here. I welcome comments and thoughts, and want Tobacco Tales to be a place for some truly ridiculous communiques.

Bring it on! 

Check out my other blog here at wordpress http://rantsfromtheedge.wordpress.com/, and check out my writings at www.helium.com . Just type jmaynardk into their search option and have access to all the articles I’ve written there. Go ahead and read them. What else are you going to do?